Onion Swagology: Dazed and Cuffed

wedding-daze-hand cuffs

The Onion takes it direct to video:

Item: Ridiculously flimsy plastic handcuffs

Promoting: Wedding Daze, a Jason Biggs movie originally slated to hit theaters in August 2007, then bumped unpromisingly and unceremoniously to a straight-to-DVD release

Relevance to product promoted: Depends on how often Biggs’ character and the woman he randomly proposes to (Isla Fisher) engage in light bondage with shoddy materials.

Item quality: 1. These things wouldn’t restrain a mildly determined toddler, which by the way is probably illegal and you shouldn’t attempt to prove us wrong.

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