Onion Swagology: Kung Fu Panda Punching Bag

kung-fu-panda-punching bag

From The Onion:

Item: Punching bag

Promoting: Dreamworks’ upcoming CGI film Kung Fu Panda

Relevance to product promoted: Presumably high. A punching bag no doubt figures prominently in a training montage or two. Like Bee Movie, the Jack Black-as-incongruous-animal-martial-artist laugher Kung Fu Panda has accomplished the formidable feat of being ridiculously overexposed months before its actual release.

Item quality: ? Who the hell knows? It would be hard to imagine a more unwieldy or time-intensive piece of promotional crap. The 10-step inflation-instruction manual makes the process sound more time- and labor-intensive than planning D-Day. Don’t even think about blowing this thing up the old-fashioned way: “Inflate by small hand pump or electric inflater,” the instructions prissily demand. Fuck, when is Dreamworks finally going to send us a promotional hand pump or electric inflater? It’d be the perfect tie-in for their upcoming slate of CGI cartoons about the madcap adventures of a group of anthropomorphic hand pumps and electric inflaters.

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